I mean, even Donald Trump recently acknowledged he got the COVID-19 booster shot, and has promoted the vaccines to his followers. Probably because his peeps were spending all their money on useless horse paste cures instead of useless “election integrity” grifts. And because his voters were literally dying. And because he wants to take credit for the vaccines that were being developed while he aimlessly fiddled his rancid nuts during coronavirus task force meetings. But, hey, at least he’s come around. That’s something.

Unfortunately, anti-vaccine sentiment is still rife—and needless to say, it’s not Joe Biden’s followers who are wreaking havoc. The latest example is a character named Christopher Key, who leads an anti-vaccine/pro-death group called Vaccine Police:

Christopher Key, the leader of the anti-COVID-19 vaccine group “Vaccine Police,” said Wednesday he’s going to take the law into his own hands, pledging to conduct a citizen’s arrest of Louisiana Gov. John Bel Edwards. “I am the vaccine police,” Key said on Clay Clark’s daily show. “We have shut down pharmacists. We have shut down boards of education. And we will be arresting the governor of Louisiana on February the 7th if he does not stand down and not vaccinate the children of Louisiana.” He continued that he would conduct the arrest “out of love” because “they are trying to start a civil war, Clay, and they are coming for our children.”

Okay then! Say, are citizen’s arrests really a thing? Because someone in our neighborhood just put up a plastic statue of Santa Claus praying to the baby Jesus, and I can’t even. 

On his website, Key wrote: “I was recently fired from my job of six years for being a patriot.” In August, The Washington Post reported Key threatened pharmacists with the possibility of being “executed” if they kept administering the COVID-19 vaccine.

Jesus Garbanzo-Snarfin’ Christ—what? If I’m gonna arrest anyone at a pharmacy it will be the company CEO for insisting on selling enormous tubs of Utz pork rinds to people picking up their blood pressure meds, not the poor sap giving out lifesaving vaccines. 

Not sure what’s so magical about Feb. 7, though. Is that the only time Gov. Edwards could clear on his calendar for being arrested by random roving loons? Regardless, I’ll be watching. Because if it’s this easy to arrest a sitting governor, I imagine it would be a cinch to clap Mike Lindell in King Kong chains and display him at one of the nation’s hundreds of sad malls that still have a dedicated Jazzercize space and are forced to rely on addlepated, part-time Santas who keep forgetting their beards aren’t cotton candy. 

But stay tuned! Key may actually pull this off. Or he might get COVID and die. I’d be more inclined to bet on the latter, honestly.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.