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You are now below the fold. That means absolutely nothing,

“It was revealed that on January 6th three Fox News hosts texted [Trump’s chief of staff] Mark Meadows to urge him to get Trump to call off his supporters. You know you’ve gone too far when Fox News is like, ‘Somebody better calm these white people down.‘”
—Michael Che, SNL

The Capitol was besieged by MAGA-hatters in all manner of crazy costumes. It was like a psychotic The Price is Right audience forcibly taking control of the Big Wheel.”
—Jimmy Kimmel, one year ago

Not sure how accurate they are, but CVS still has plenty of Doritos Flamin’ Hot Covid tests.
—Conan O’Brien on Twitter

“Congressman Madison Cawthorn tweeted over the weekend: ‘Our founding fathers wouldn’t recognize the America we live in today. They would be horrified, and rightly so.’  I mean, no one from the 1700s would recognize anything. Thomas Jefferson was a renowned inventor, but he’d still shit his pants if you showed him a Roomba.”
—Seth Meyers

“The FDA said it will permanently allow people to get abortion pills through the mail, which means your pills should arrive just in time for your child’s first birthday.”
—Tine Fey, guest-anchoring Weekend Update on SNL

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 7, 2022

Note: This week’s Super Secret Hidden Million Dollar Mystery Phrase—which could appear anywhere on Daily Kos, including scrunched up real tiny in the margins of a diary, the front page, or the Help Desk—is “By the Numbers.”  If by some miracle you can spot it, you owe me a million dollars. Good luck!

By the Numbers:

10 days.

Days ’til Martin Luther King Jr. Day: 10

Days ’til Squirrel Appreciation Day: 14

Age at which the CDC recommends people get covid booster shots: 12

Number of hate crimes reported in Maine in 2019 and 2020, respectively, according to the Justice Department: 19 / 84

Time it took the two-foot-wide secondary mirror on the Webb space telescope to successfully deploy Wednesday: 10 minutes

Date on which KFC will start selling plant-based chicken at 4,000 of its stores: 1/10/22

Water temperature off the coast of Portland, Maine: 46 F

Puppy Pic of the Day:  Oh fer…..

CHEERS to Badass Biden. Yesterday, on the anniversary of the Republican party’s insurrection against the most transparent and well-run election in our history (during a pandemic, no less) that didn’t go their way, the 46th president took direct aim at the 45th, and let him have it…

“We must be absolutely clear about what is true and what is a lie.

WASHINGTON, DC - JANUARY 06: US President Joe Biden gives remarks in Statuary Hall of the U.S Capitol on January 6, 2022 in Washington, DC. One year ago, supporters of President Donald Trump attacked the U.S. Capitol Building in an attempt to disrupt a congressional vote to confirm the electoral college win for Joe Biden. (Photo by Greg Nash-Pool/Getty Images)
Ker-pow.

A former president of the United States of America has created and spread a web of lies about the 2020 election. He’s done so because he values power over principle, because he sees his own interest as more important than his country’s interest and America’s interest. He can’t accept he lost. […]

He’s not just a former president. He’s a defeated former president.”

It was the harshest rebuke by a sitting president of a former president since William Henry Harrison accused Martin van Buren of having “the whiskers of a feral alley cat, the vacuousness of a discarded hoop skirt, and the fingers of pork sausages.” Somehow, the republic endures.

CHEERS to the recovery the media just doesn’t want to talk about. Good, good, good news on jobs, jobs, jobs. No, I’m not talking about December’s employment numbers—you can’t trust today’s report that says only 199,000 jobs were created, and let me show you why. The last paragraph of the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ report drops what has now become a routine correction…upward:

The change in total nonfarm payroll employment for October was revised up by 102,000, from +546,000 to +648,000 and the change for November was revised up by 39,000, from +210,000 to +249,000.

x

With these revisions, employment in October and November combined is 141,000 higher than previously reported.

The positive economic movement is part of a radical and audacious new American economic plan called—[Checks notes]—Let’s Put Democrats In Charge of the Economy.

CHEERS to one wacky Whig.  Happy 221st Birthday to #13 Millard Fillmore, whose beginnings could scarcely be more humble:

He was born in upstate New York in Cayuga County the second of eight children to such an impoverished family that they could not even afford to feed him.

President Millard Fillmore
Fillmore’s high collar was worn to prevent sudden vampire bites, a frequent problem in the 1800s.

His father apprenticed (indentured servant) him to a cloth maker at age fifteen, so brutal it stopped just short of slavery. Millard Fillmore taught himself to read by stealing books. He finally managed to accumulate thirty dollars to pay the obligation to his master and was free.

During his accidental presidency (thanks to Zachary Taylor becoming the first president to choke to death on Pop Rocks and Diet Coke), he sent Commodore Perry to open trade with Japan.  He also postponed a civil war by signing the Compromise of 1850, which added California as a free state but also strengthened the fugitive slave law. To his credit, he was the rare pre-Civil War president who never owned slaves himself, but his defense of keeping that “institution” was weak, weak sauce. On top of all that, Queen Victoria once told him he was the most handsome man she’d ever laid eyes on.  Moments later, Fillmore unofficially became the first person to swim the English Channel in under a minute.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

CHEERS to the Republic’s Big Moment.  On January 7, 1789, the first U.S. Presidential election was held, but there was no popular vote.  Instead, each state’s appointees to the now-long-obsolete Electoral College got to vote twice.  The top two vote-getters would become president and veep. They picked the stoic hero George Washington and the cranky curmudgeon John Adams.  Their first conversation:

“What do we do now?”

WashingtonandAdams.jpg
Only known color photo of Washington and Adams.

“I dunno, I thought you knew.”

“Well, I thought you knew.”

“Hey…wanna get drunk and barf in Jefferson‘s desk?”

“Does the Constitution say we can?”

“It doesn’t say we can’t.”

“You pour.”

The rest, as they say, is history.

CHEERS to home vegetation. Typical mid-winter weekend on the TV. We’ll start with Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow deftly parsing whatever Friday news dump(s) happened today. Or you can catch a new Penn & Teller: Fool Us at 8 on the CW. Then at 11 on BBC America, guests on The Graham Norton Show include Peter Dinklage, Michael Sheen, and Claire Foy.

Righteousgemstones.jpg
Sunday night. Amen.

The new movies and home videos are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. Whose Line Is It Anyway is new tomorrow night at 8 on the CW. The NBA schedule is here, the NFL schedule is here, the NHL schedule is here (assuming they’re not canceled by Omicron) and the eagerly-awaited Naked Ping Pong World Finals schedule is here.  On 60 Minutes: a profile of StoryCorps founder Dave Isay, and a report on why Americans are quitting their jobs in such huge numbers. No Simpsons Sunday night, but there’s a new Family Guy during which Peter gets coached by Jesus. And speaking of Jesus, a new season of the John Goodman/Danny McBride scamvangelical comedy The Righteous Gemstones starts Sunday night at 10 on HBO. May the laughs be with it…and also with you.

Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup:

Meet the Press: TBA

Lucyfootball.jpg
Sunday on all the networks, Lucy will reveal who she’ll be pulling footballs away from in 2022.

This Week: Secretary of State Antony Blinken; Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD); Sen. Mike Rounds (Cult-SD).

Face the Nation: Speaker Nancy Pelosi; NYC Mayor Eric Adams; Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger; Center for Election Innovation & Research head David Becker; former FDA guy Scott Gottlieb.

CNN’s State of the UnionSpeaker Nancy Pelosi.

Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: U.S. Capitol Police Chief Tom Manger; Gov. Asa Hutchinson (Cult-AR); Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona.

Happy viewing!

Ten years ago in C&J: January 7, 2012

The so-called queen of the birther movement, lawyer/dentist Orly Taitz, has actually secured an audience with a judge in Georgia (via McClatchy):

The judge’s decision now sets the stage for a Jan. 26 hearing on the issue in Fulton County. Obama is not required to attend the hearing, a court official said. Initially filed in November by Taitz on behalf of a Georgia resident, the complaint argues that Obama isn’t a natural born citizen and is ineligible from being president.

And soon a new holiday will be born. January 26: Laugh Orly Taitz Out of Court Day. [1/7/22 Update: Anyone else find it odd that Ms. Taitz isn’t in the middle of the anti-vax, pro-Trump movement? I haven’t heard a peep out of her in ages. That’s not a complaint.]

And just one more…

CHEERS to the happy meeting of X and Y chromosomes.  Tomorrow is National Male Watcher’s Day.  Seriously…it’s a thing.  Far be it from me to deny you the simple pleasure of viewing the male form in all its glory, so ogle away:

Mitch McConnell in a body stocking

Don’t say I never did anything for you.  Like, say, give you nightmares.

Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?





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