Enjoy the madness, if you can.

Gee, no one wants to lock arms with a frothy, unvaxxed yelling man? Go figure. It’s not like his big, expectorating head is like a giant aerosol can full of pestilence or anything. 

But what really motivated this war on Whoppers? As the folks behind Patriot Takes note, they’re doing it for attention, and for street cred among Team Antivaxx.

Wow, this is one limp-ass protest. It’s like a Jeb! rally, but with one really loud dude spewing dangerous lies amid the nebulae of Whopper detritus.

Somehow, I don’t think “We want Whoppers!” will go down in the annals of history with “We shall overcome!”

Also, being forced to demonstrate that you’re not carrying deadly pathogens into public spaces is clearly not the same as being Jewish during the Holocaust. It’s not much of a Holocaust if you can still order unlimited Croissan’wiches through UberEats (until 10:30 a.m., anyway).

So (at least) one of these dudes is a Jan. 6 bumblefuck putsch rioter. Guess he loves losing. It’s one thing if your Waterloo is actually Waterloo or something similarly epic, but if it’s Burger King, you may need to burnish your badass bonafides.

I’d have given anything if a masked and vaxxed gay couple had walked in while this woman was giving her shtick about public facilities and asked for a wedding cake made out of crispy French toast sticks.

This really is the saddest protest I’ve ever seen. My mom’s bridge club has more vim and vigor once they break out the Sanka and chocolate-covered raisins.

Protecting innocent people from a cruel and lonely death is nothing like Naziism, but it’s enough to turn these folks against not just the Burger King himself, but law enforcement writ large.

In other words, the police are beyond reproach when they’re kneeling on necks, but if they’re protecting the Capitol from marauding troglodytes or removing disease-spreading lawbreakers from private businesses, they’re at the very least Nazi-adjacent.

This spectacle would be super offensive if it weren’t so feckless and sad. Again, anti-vaxxers are nothing like Jews during the Holocaust or civil rights protesters navigating freedom marches. They’re public menaces, full stop. Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a bus because she was a human being with inalienable rights, full citizenship, and boundless dignity. If she’d been arrested for sneezing pestilence onto strangers’ Cheesy Tots, she wouldn’t be remembered today.

These folks, on the other hand, are already well on their way down the memory hole. We just need to flush a few more times, it seems.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.