How Diabetes Can Affect Your Relationships

Getting diagnosed with type 2 diabetes can be life-changing. That might include having to take a new medication or make different dietary considerations, but the change may also be felt in your relationships. Health’s Type 2 Diabetes Advocate Alysse Dalessandro says several of her relationships changed after her diabetes diagnosis. She explains how the relationships changed and what that has taught her.

“You have type 2 diabetes.” When I first heard my doctor say this sentence to me nine years ago, I knew my life would change forever. What I did not know was how much my diabetes diagnosis would impact the relationships in my life. 

As someone who was already working as a plus-size writer, content creator, and body positivity advocate, I was familiar with the misconceptions that people had about type 2 diabetes and people living in larger bodies. I had every comeback ready for the online trolls that stayed in my comments telling me I was going to get diabetes.

But being a plus-size person challenging weight stigma proved different than navigating my personal relationships as someone with type 2 diabetes. Whether I liked it or not, I needed to become informed on type 2 diabetes so that I could be an advocate for myself and others with diabetes within the different relationships in my life.

“I just ate so many cupcakes, I got diabetes,” I heard a coworker joke from a few cubicles away. While I squirmed in discomfort, I heard the rest of my coworkers erupt in laughter. These types of “jokes” are often seen as harmless, but people living with diabetes aren’t a punchline. We are people doing our best to navigate living with a chronic illness.

I wish I could tell you that I marched over to their cubicle and educated them about how eating sweets does not cause diabetes. That’s not what I did. At the time, I was only a few months into my diagnosis and not very close to those particular coworkers, but they were people I had to interact with five days a week. 

Ultimately, I decided not to say anything, but it did change how I interacted with them and what I shared about myself. When it comes to disclosing your diabetes diagnosis with coworkers, my advice is: Protect your peace, and share with caution. 

“This drink is diabetes in a glass,” I heard my friend say as he walked toward me holding a coffee concoction topped with whipped cream. This is a sentiment I’ve heard plenty of times from people I did not know, but it really stung to hear it from a close friend.

I know this person to be thoughtful and kind, so I said, “You know that sugar does not cause diabetes?” He looked back at me, shocked. I could tell that he had truly believed the misconception that diabetes is caused by eating too many sweets. I shared information regarding the impact of genetics on developing diabetes. 

At the end of our conversation, he thanked me for telling him and assured me he would not make a statement like that in the future. I believed him, and in the years since, I’ve never heard him say anything else like that. In fact, I’m sure he’s corrected others who’ve made similar statements in front of him.

My takeaway from this interaction and others with friends: It’s worth your time to call out your friends about diabetes misconceptions. Your friends who don’t have diabetes will never understand what it’s like to live with diabetes, but a good friend should want to listen and learn.

“I’m sure you feel like this is a death sentence” were the first words out of my partner’s mouth when I told him I had just been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. This was the opposite of the hopeful sentiment I longed to hear from my significant other at the ripe age of 28. Needless to say, our relationship ended a few weeks later.

I was single for most of the year after my diagnosis, and I’m so grateful I made that decision as I navigated living with diabetes. I grieved my old life that didn’t include daily medication and finger pricks while learning how to live a full life with diabetes. By the time I entered my next serious relationship, I was armed with a deeper understanding of both diabetes and intuitive eating.

These days, I am married to a woman who was also diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in her 20s. She understands from a firsthand perspective what it’s like to live with type 2 diabetes. Dating someone with diabetes has also deepened my belief that diabetes looks different for everyone. We often have the exact same meal, but we rarely have the same blood glucose levels. Movement, sleep, and stress also impact us differently.

Your partner does not need to live with diabetes (though it is a bonus!) to help you navigate your diagnosis. Choose someone who believes in your ability to live and doesn’t give in to doom and gloom.

“Do you really need to eat that?” is a common phrase I heard growing up. In my Italian-American family, eating everything on your plate was a requirement. But somehow, they always questioned what I chose to eat as I got old enough to fill my own plate. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, you can bet they amped that up even more.

I know this inquiry into my stress levels, sleep schedule, and what’s on my plate comes from a place of love and concern. I also know that their fears and anxieties are not my responsibility to take on.

Boundaries are your best asset when it comes to navigating diabetes and a well-intentioned but sometimes overly involved family. Working with an eating disorder-informed nutritionist helped arm me with the tools I needed to navigate intuitive eating and diabetes. This also gave me the confidence to tell my family that when it comes to my body and diabetes, I know it best.

I was overweight as a kid, so I do not remember a time when fear was not used to try to scare me into losing weight at the doctor’s office. So often, a plus-size patient’s concerns can be dismissed with a simple “just lose weight.” Research shows that healthcare providers’ negative feelings about people living in larger bodies can impact care. 

I knew that I wanted to take a weight-neutral approach to my diabetes and focus on managing my A1C rather than the number on the scale. I learned that this is still a nontraditional approach to type 2 diabetes care, but I also knew my primary care doctor seemed caring and compassionate.

Early into my diabetes diagnosis, I explained my history with disordered eating and asked if we could take a weight-neutral approach to managing my diabetes. Not only did she seek to connect me with more resources, but she also educated herself.

Nine years later, I never have to walk into her office worried she will dismiss my concerns by pushing weight loss. This experience taught me that it’s worth advocating for the kind of care you want to receive.

“You teach people how to treat you” is the sentiment I relate most to for making peace with diabetes. The more confident I became in myself to manage my diabetes, the easier it became for me to advocate for the kind of treatment I wanted to receive from others. 

When I understood the genetic link with diabetes, I was no longer stuck in the thought loop that this was all my fault. It became easier to educate others with the same misconception when I wasn’t wrapped up in a shame spiral. 

You cannot be an advocate for others living with diabetes until you can be your own best advocate. There’s a power to being your body’s own expert. For example, who knows how sleep impacts your glucose levels better than the person who tracks it every day? Remember, no one knows your body better than you!